i love the heart imagery and the verbs-shatterd, broken, and stained. i would change the last line though, it seems kinda seperated. but still sounds nice. really good job bena. love erich
This is good, Alecia. I think I would cut the third line. It seems obvious. I think I would cut the lastkline, too. Let the reader decide what is breaking them, what they are stained with.
5 comments:
i love the heart imagery and the verbs-shatterd, broken, and stained. i would change the last line though, it seems kinda seperated. but still sounds nice. really good job bena.
love erich
gala gala gala !
This is good, Alecia. I think I would cut the third line. It seems obvious. I think I would cut the lastkline, too. Let the reader decide what is breaking them, what they are stained with.
How moving, it is a story all on its own, like the shattered hearts in the poem.
Flippin' Erich.... Just kidding.. I loved this one.... It totally rocks.... By the way, the emo heart thingy doesn't work!!!! >:(
~K~
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